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Saturday, April 2, 2011

I Do.. or Do I?

Just want to start off this post by saying I am so happy and there is not an ounce of criticism or judging going on, more a general wonderingment (word courtesy of Ross Geller - Friends Season 1 Episode 7, The One With The Blackout)

And maybe a touch of jealousy. 

"I mean I’m probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what’s 2%? That’s nothing" - Rachel Green, Friends, Season 6, Episode 24, The One With The Proposal

I just got told that two of my friends just got engaged. I knew it was going to happen, as they've been together for a bit longer than The Boyfriend and I, I just didn't think it would be so soon. I am so happy for them, as they really are meant to be together. 

And their story! Man, the proposal story is just amazing. This is how all men should propose (no, don't start and being all like 'but that wouldn't be special then, the whole reason its special is because no one does it'). I've never heard anything so romantic in my life. 

This is the story how it was told to me - "it was our anniversary yesterday and we were at this bush retreat and we were up at 1am (the time he asked me out) and we were outside star gazing and I opened my present and he named a star marry me ________"

I kid you not. 

Ok, so maybe I'm more like 90% happy and 10% jealous. 

So the question I want to put to you now is: what age should someone get engaged? She is 21 and he is 23. Everyone is so happy for them. However, I know if I got engaged now (while I am 21 and The Boyfriend is 23), all I would get from my family is disappointment. They all say, oh you've got bigger things to do in your life first, your too young etc. But everyone I know, who is around this age, and gets engaged, gets absolutely nothing but love and happiness wished upon them. 

So I'm not so much jealous of the engagement, more of the fact that their families seem to be more accepting and allow them to make their own decision and not judge them for it. Yes I know I have big things ahead of me, but why can't I do those same things as a Mrs? (Not that I would be changing my name)

When I told my mother today that my friends got engaged, the only response I got was 'mmmm'. She has told me before that she would be very disappointed if I got engaged. My grandfather made a joke about me being next, and my grandmother shut him down immediately 'Ashleigh has bigger things to do first'. 

Why should they have the right to comment on my relationship? The Boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, if and when we decide to get engaged, everybody is just going to have be happy for us. But I find it sad that I need to have such a defiant attitude towards it. I don't think I would even want to tell my family, because I would be too scared about what they would say. 

I'm not the kind of person who would get married and become Mrs Wifey, bearing many children and taking care of the home. That is not me at all. But I am the kind of person who would like to make a public declaration of love to The Boyfriend, one day. 

I'm not saying I want to be engaged right now. I want to live with The Boyfriend, and just with The Boyfriend, first - make sure he won't want to kill me! Probably want to finish uni first. But when I finish uni I will only be 22 - is that still too young, according to my family? How do you even judge whether or not someone is 'too young'? Is there a 'cut-off' or does it vary from couple to couple? 

It makes me laugh a bit actually, because I have always been a bit more mature, and settled than other people I know. I have had 2 long term relationships over my life, and only done a bit of dating in between. But I would far rather my life, than a single life - the thought of going through what some of my friends go through horrifies me. Yes, going on dates would be fun, but the additional stress of 'will he call, did I sleep with him too early, is he using me'? No thanks. 

I know I sound like one of those snotty couples who you probably can't stand. Sorry about that. I try really hard not to be like that, I know my friends hate it. 

Anyway, The Boyfriend and I do have a bit of news! We are moving in together in July - with one of my friends - which is something I have wanted for a long time, and I'm so happy its finally happening. 

Much love

PS - check out the new blog badge! 


theutza said...

Love this post!to be honest thought, I think I am a bit more than just 10% jealous haha. First of all because I am single and although I have come to terms with that and I am happier single than in a bad relationship, I still have moments of jealousy when I see so many couples around me.

I am also 21 and I will graduate uni in July. And just like you said, everybody around seems to be getting engaged, married or pregnant. Especially during the last year or so. I mean, my parents (who were 20 when they got married) always told me not to rush into committing my life to somebody else. And I think it's a good advice. I always believed that I need to sort out my own life and get where I want career wise before starting a family. But, somewhere inside me, hiding behind the rational maturity, there is still a little girl dreaming of a white dress, I guess.

So, bottomline is, I approve with your little jealousy. :)

Lu3Lu said...

WOW, reading this post was like reading my own life back to me. I kept nodding the whole way through.

While I'm 22 going on 23 (been in a relationship for 3 years) I am still said to be too young to get engaged or married and the sort, and it kind of also messes with me, not because I want to get engaged and start a family right away, no. Its because I would like to at least have the option of doing so. I would like to know that if it did happen sooner than later I would not be looked at differently and people would just be 98% happy for me and 2% jealous :)

My parents are also on that you have to finish school and make something of your life, and while I agree with them, I agree with you too... Can we not do that and be in a committed relationship at the same time? I don't know it's just so complicated, but I am totally in the same boat as you.
Like theutza said everyone around me is either engaged married or pregnant and sometimes I envy them, like why can't that be me.

Oh well sigh, when the time is right the time is right. No one can tell.

Erin Rae Mac said...

Hey Ashleigh, thanks for the follow!

Saw your Europe trip countdown - Where are you heading?

My fiance plays hockey in Europe so we lived in Italy last year and Denmark this year. I'm actually heading back home Monday morning!

Don't fret about the engagement stuff. Yes it's great to accomplish all these great things but when you love him, and your family does, they'll be ecstatic when your day comes! And you'll be happy about all the things you've achieved along the way.